Ilahi, tahai yartu fi amri,
faquz bi yadaiya!
O Lord, I am confused with myself,
so please guide me O Allah!
As narrated in Kitab Al-Hikam, one Abdullah complained about the state of his heart to an awliya saying, 'You know I have so much pride in my heart. I asked one pious man for some cure and he asked me to fast. I did as told but the hardness in my heart remained. So I asked another righteous man who then advised me to do qiyamulail all night long. I tried but still the sickness is there in my heart.' Upon hearing this, the awliya told Abdullah to go to Kaabah Multazam and "humble yourself and say: O Lord, I am confused with myself, so please guide me O Allah." Abdullah took the advice and by the grace of Allah he found himself cured of the pride that clouded his heart for so long.
Dzul Nun al-Misri said: "Allah will not honor His servant more than He honors one who humbles himself in front of Him. He will not humiliate any of His servants more than the humiliation of being veiled from Him."
O son, the confession above may sound ordinary but to the one who is really confused, when he admits of his confusion, he knows very well of his own despair! May Allah purify our hearts and minds and grant us the gift of humility. 'Your Guardian-Lord has not forsaken you, nor is He displeased' - Ma wad da'aka robbuka wama khola. (Qur'an, Surah ad-Duha: 3).
Sadaqallah al-Azim. Allah says the truth!